For those of you who know me, the last year and a half of my life has been pretty crazy.
It basically went from one extreme to another.
From the Toilet to the Tops.
From Misery to Amazing.
From the Shitter to The Shit!
You get the idea… anyway… for those of you who don't know me so well… here's the recap.
In late 2005, things in my personal life weren't going so well. My professional life and my career were going great, but my personal life… not so much.
I had been married just two years, and my relationship started to deteriorate pretty quickly. Not exactly what I expected. I fought to keep things going. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could fix it, and it just didn't happen.
I met with a lawyer in August of 2006, by mid-September I was officially divorced. Quick, to the point and pretty much painless. It took a total of 44 days from the day I met the lawyer till the day I stood in court.
It was a totally weird experience, pretty surreal, almost like it didn't really happen to me. The divorce process was so easy, too easy, and that made it even weirder and made me feel like the idea of marriage was total bullshit and fake. And that really bothered me. I mean the relationship I was in wasn't really good for almost a year before that, but still, the ease at which I got divorced was kind of shocking to me. And made the idea of marriage seem so unimportant, and not permanent like I think it should be. Thank god we didn't have any kids. That was the one good thing I thought about.
Shortly after I was "officially" divorced, I started the art of attempting to date again. Going out with my friends, meeting random people in bars, trying to set up dates and right off the bat, I was a little bit tired of the idea of having to do that again.
So, in our technological age, I tried the online dating thing and found some truly strange women. Some women who thought you should meet right away after you said "Hi" in your first email. Other women who wanted to talk on the phone after your second bit of correspondence (I guess the grade school phone conversation is still a big deal).
I emailed back and forth with a couple of people a few times then lost interest when I found that their idea of humor was non-existent… and again I was getting a little bored.
Then, one day, I received an email, or a "wink" from a woman on the site, so I decided to check out her profile. She was cute, and, her profile was funny, she actually had a sense of humor, as was very light-hearted and she could actually write. Call me conceded but I like my women literate!
So, I perved… I mean… checked out her profile a couple of times and decided to write her back.
We went back and forth via email a few times, then started IM'ing each other for about a week and then decided to meet in person… On a Sunday night.
We were a little tense and awkward at first. Not knowing what to expect from each other. And not really knowing how things were going to go, so we did what anyone usually does in that situation… "Bartender, another round please!"
We actually ended up having a great time. We giggled at each others jokes. We laughed at people in the bar we went to. And in general had a great time. We had fun, something I hadn't had in quite a while.
And since then, I've had more fun, more laughs and more happiness than I thought was possible. Things have clicked so great in the past twelve months that I don't even remember how I was surviving before.
Now, to be honest, I've had my own emotional bumps and bruises during the past year.
Wondering if I should be in a relationship, after getting divorced.
Wondering if I could meet someone and ever be happy again.
Hearing other people tell me that I should take my time.
Tell me "you need at least a year to get over what you went through."
"Don't do the rebound thing!" and blah blah blah!
But what if, that person I meet, is the person I was always looking for?
What if that person and I really click?
Where is the rule written that I can't fall in love with someone?
Why does there have to be an allotted time period?
Why can't this person be "the one"?
Because of all of the "help" and opinions I was receiving from everyone around me I caused myself and her some real emotional distress. My own insecurity about "allowing" myself to fall in love again, about feeling guilty because I was happy, that I was with someone who wanted to be with me and I didn't care what anyone else thought. That part was tough for me, and it wasn't a peach for her either, I'm sure.
Slowly I came to realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It matters what I think, and what the person that I'm with thinks. Am I happy? Is she happy? Does it work? Do things make sense? Am I looking for something more or have I found it?
So I went through my emotional check list and said you know what… F**k everyone else I'm happy. I'm in love, I don't have to change the person I am when I'm around her and around my friends. We're completely comfortable together. Do I really need anything else to convince me that I'm in a good place and that I'm supposed to be with her, that I'm happy?
We had talked about her moving in because she was staying with me most of the time anyway. It would make it easier for both of us and I was happy as happy could be.
Her name is Sandy, and she is the one for me… she filled my heart and made me happy again.
I didn't think anything else could make me feel any different, any better than I was already feeling…
Then…
It didn't really come out of nowhere, but it became evident quite quickly.
She loves to workout, loves to run. She would get up on the weekends and give me a kiss on the cheek while I was still in bed and say "I'm going for a run". My response, still half asleep and groggy was "huh?"
She would do the same thing during the week. She would get up before work, and go for a run and come back and jump in the shower before I even knew the sun came up.
Then one day I wake up and she's not in bed next to me, but I hear her coming up the stairs, she walks back into the bedroom and gets back into bed. She looks at me and I ask "are you ok?"
"I don't feel good" she says.
"Do you want me to get anything for you?"
"No, I'm just gonna sleep a little longer."
"Okay sweetie."
So, I kiss her on the cheek and thought nothing of it. The next day, the same thing. The day after that, she's still not feeling well. After about a week, it starts to sink in, and to be honest, the feeling I had inside me was the most clear, calm, soothing, happy feeling I can describe.
The feeling I had inside of me was almost like when you are laying on the beach early in the morning on a beautiful 85 degree day, with a slight breeze. All you can hear are the birds, the wind and the ocean. You take a deep breath and close your eyes and relax and you're completely content and at peace… that's what I felt.
We sort of hinted about it to each other for the next week or so and finally figured we should take a test. She called me and said she bought a test at the drug store, went back to the office and peed on the stick. She said it took about a half second for the stick to go positive. She called me back and, well, I'm sure you know already…
BINGO, we're pregnant!
I was so happy and content and comforted by the thought of us becoming parents. Me becoming a Dad, and the woman that I am having this child with is perfect for me. We compliment each other so well and we make a great team. I couldn't ask for a more perfect woman for me and it helps that I am also madly in love with her.
To me, that is the key to my happiness, and as queer and corny as it sounds, the line from Jerry Maguire is true. She completes me. She makes my life happier and I couldn't ask for anything more.
We waited till we were well past the end of the first trimester before we started telling anyone. Of course we started hearing the obligatory "are you going to get married" and her response when her Dad asked when we told him was "eventually, yeah, eventually."
Her response made me smile, because that's exactly what I wanted to say. After the experience I went through, there was a little dent in armor of the "union" of marriage. The divorce part was too easy and I didn't like it. It is indeed just a piece of paper to a lot of people and I want it to be much more than that.
We will eventually get married, no date set yet, but I can definitely picture us getting married, and that's huge for me considering everything.
My one regret, for her sake, is that I didn't do this the way "you're supposed to". The courtship, the engagement, and do it in the order it is traditionally supposed to be done. But then again, what is really traditional any more these days.
I did go about things in the traditional sense to a point. I had tried for a couple of days to talk to her father in person, and it never happened. Getting your girlfriend's father alone in a house full of people is almost impossible.
Then, it took me two days to actually get him on the phone. There I sat, in the parking lot of a Shaw's supermarket, I asked her Dad for his permission to marry her. And his response was all I could ask.
"Of course you have my blessing. We are so happy for the both of you. The more I thought about everything, there really is no 'Traditional' any more. As long as you are both happy, we're happy for you!"
And that was that…
I went back home that night, and proceeded to propose to Sandy in the room where our baby would soon sleep. It was emotional, and amazing and almost made us feel larger than life. We were both so happy.
And to boot, I got extra kudos for asking her Dad permission. It was worth the extra nerves on my part to get her father's permission. I think he appreciated it too! I know she did.
At work, my benefits department calls marriage, divorce and birth "Life Changing Events". I've already done the first two. The third will be incredible and probably the most substantial, (and it was… see my "We're Having a Baby" blog) and eventually I'll do the first one right this time.
Our lives take so many twists and turns, ups and downs, good times and bad times. It is incredible how we end up where we are.
They are indeed life changing events and this time, it's for the better!
