This morning I flew from Boston to Laguardia (New York) for business.
I got to the airport early, no lines, no waiting. The terminal was quiet. The average early morning travelers I would guess. Nothing too exciting.
They call my plane at 9 a.m. and we all stand in line and get on the plane. I’m totally engulfed in the book I’m reading (High Fidelity by Nick Hornby) and I barely even look up at the guy taking the tickets and I proceed down the jetway to the plane.
The plane is a DC-8, 9 or 10. I don’t know, it’s a DC-something. It has three seats on one side and two seats on the other. No, TV’s no seat-back monitors, just your run of the mill plane.
It’s the Delta Shuttle. No frills.
So, I choose a window seat on the left, the two-seat-side. Which, is actually the right-side of the plane once I turn around and sit down.
The customary ritual of choosing a seat on shuttle planes is akin to choosing a seat on the school bus when you were a kid, except in reverse. The seats are not assigned. So, everyone wants to sit as close to the front as possible as opposed to the back of the bus when you were a kid.
I guess it’s because people want to make that immediate getaway once they land. I could care less, I’m usually right in the middle of the plane, row 20-something and 99% of the time, I take a window seat.
The seat jockeying begins for everyone else as usual. People walk by and go to the seats behind me or they choose seats in front of me or opposite me. Very seldom do people sit next to me.
I don’t know why this is? I don’t know if I look up and give them an evil stare, or if I have an overly welcoming look about me that weirds them out, but they often pass by and I sit alone, which doesn't bother me at all.
I sometimes get the old ladies that sit next to me or the oversized business man in the suit that just plops down next to me with the triple folded, twice read newspaper.
My face is still pressed into my book reading intently. On occasion I look up to see who is passing by and of course to check out the attractive fellow female fliers who never sit next to me.
But today was a little different.
After hearing a couple of female voices laugh, I looked up from my book to see who will pass by next and there are four attractive women chatting away with each other. All seem to be in their mid 30’s, done up pretty well, smiling and trying to decide where to sit.
Much to my surprise, two of them sit across the aisle from me, one of them sits in the seat behind them and another one sits in the seat next to me on the aisle.
Lucky Day!
However, at first I’m a little annoyed because they are being very chatty and all I can think of is “fuck, I’m not going to be able to read my book with all this ca-caw-ing going on!”
But, it doesn’t seem to bother me as much as I thought it would and then I start to listen in and pay attention to what they are talking about, which actually becomes a fun distraction from what I am reading.
The plane takes off from Boston at 9:39 a.m.
The four of them are on their way to New York City for a “Girl’s weekend.” A bachelorette party of sorts. And they are talking about getting their nails done, where they will go to eat tonight, who they are meeting up with and at what time… blah blah blah…
As I listen in on their conversation, I hear how excited the girl to be married is, (sitting in the row behind me in the opposite aisle wearing a blue shirt) and two of the women talking about their kids and that this is the first time they’ve left their kids overnight in a "long time" and on and on.
Hearing them talk makes me think of how far removed I am from the excitement of marriage and planning a wedding and kids and everything that goes along with it and I start to feel a little bitter about it.
After recently getting divorced, it really made me think about how “superficial” marriage is. How “not-real” the entire union of marriage actually is. And the sad truth is, these days, it’s only a piece of paper that can be disregarded three years later in a 15-minute court appearance.
My bitterness about marriage I think has more to do with the fact that I’m starting over and I feel that I should be further along in “life”. I feel like should be talking to people about my kids, I should be talking about how my “wife” and how "we" haven’t been away together in ages because of the kids. And now I don’t have any of that. We didn’t have kids. We went away to Vienna, Austria last November, but the relationship was pretty much gone by then anyway. And that part is a little tough to take.
I mean, the relationship itself had no more spark to it, mainly I think because she moved on mentally and emotionally and I was just hoping she’d remember why she married me, but that didn’t happen… and so it went…
But, to get back to the plane for a second... I’m sitting there and the woman sitting next to me, Melissa, is her name, I come to find out (The irony! I know), turns and looks at me after I put my book down and says…
“Are you going to New York to go home or are you going for business.”
She asks ME the Ice breaker! Nice!
I respond by saying “I’m actually going for business. Going to be there until Monday.”
“We’re doing a girls ‘last-hurrah’ weekend for my sister-in-law (blue shirt) who’s getting married in a few weeks.” She says smiling and raising her eyebrows. “So, it should be a fun weekend.”
“That’s great. Should be fun!” I respond with a little smile and mock-enthusiasm.
Surprisingly, out of all of the times I’ve traveled this is the first time I’ve actually carried on any sort of conversation with the person sitting next to me aside from the cordials of excuse me and hi and sorry. Intersting, huh?
“What do you do for work?” Melissa asks me.
“I work at an advertising company in Boston.”
“You doing a trade-show or something in New York?”
“No, I’m a system administrator moving files and stuff over the weekend” I respond sounding like a total geek, not knowing how to spice up the conversation.
“That’s nice. Well, it’s going to be a beautiful weekend, I hope you’re not stuck inside all weekend?”
“I’m going out at least Saturday night with a friend from New York.”
“Well that’s good!” She smiles and turns back to her friend's conversation.
Now, there are about Five-Hundred “you shoulda’s” that I know I will hear from my friends when I tell this story. “you shoulda asked where they were staying”, “you shoulda asked where they were going out”, “you shoulda found out if they needed to be shown around the city”… and blah blah blah… and half of them, I would probably agree that I “shoulda” said… but, unfortunately I’m in a weird place right now, mentally and emotionally... I think.
This is the first time in my life, or at least as long as I can remember, that I haven’t gone from one relationship to the next. I have always been in the process of leaving a relationship, found a potential prospect which has made it much easier to leave that previous relationship and then picked up the new relationship and went with that one.
So, right now, my marriage is over, my relationship is done and I don’t really have a prospect on the horizon. And I’m ok with that. I think. It would help a little if I could get laid to take the edge off, which seems to be a mental "cure-all" for guys. To know I can still actually "perform" but I’m sure that will come in due time as well.
It’s just a weird feeling at the moment.
Anyway… back to the plane…
We land at Laguardia around 10:40 a.m.
The girls finish, or at least suspend their conversation as the plane gets to the gate and everyone starts to get out of their seat.
Melissa turns to me and says “Enjoy yourself and have a safe trip!”
I respond in kind and say “You too, have fun. And I hope you all brought your extra liver!”
“ha ha ha ha ha!” all four of them laugh. And Melissa turns to walk off the plan and gives me a wave and says “thanks, bye!” and she’s gone.
However trivial and meaningless that conversation was… it was comforting. Just a random person chatting with another random person. I enjoyed it.
I take a cab to my hotel, check-in, and start the walk to my office which is five blocks away.
I take out my iPod and put the buds in my ears and press shuffle. Now, this one meaningless thing, could make or break the weekend. A bad song, could just put me in a pissy mood, mostly because it’s a Saturday and I’m working all weekend long in New York.
However, the song that comes on is “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. As I listen to the song lyrics I begin to reflect a little bit and it hits me “…she’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly…”
That was my relationship. I was drowning in the nothingness of my relationship. No affection, no emotion, come to find out, no love… and I was “… tired…” as the song continues on…
It makes me smile for whatever reason to know htat I'm not "drowning" anymore!
And I look up to the sky, with the sun hitting the buildings and windows and the shadows cast on the other buildings across the street on a bright, clear, 50 degree day at the end of September… It’s time to start over… and I’m ok with that.
I really think I’m ok with that!
And what confirms my thoughts and feelings... the next song that plays on my iPod. “Welcome to wherever you are” off of Bon Jovi’s “Have a Nice Day” CD.
“Welcome to wherever you are / this is your life you’ve made it this far”
I think I’m good. I’m happy. And I know things will just get better. I can feel it.
Thanks for asking! :o)
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